Nothing is more devastating than a broken heart!

The end of a love affair, a failed marriage, betrayal by a friend, a family rift , a departure and a death – all deeply human tragedies which the frail human heart finds difficult to bear!

Unbearable, devastating, heart wrenching!  Patah hati, putus asa, makan hati berulam jantung! At the time it happens and in the  years, months, weeks , days leading to it and after it happens, it  seems as though nothing else matters. The human heart has the tendency to take over the human brain as they wrestle with our destiny! It weeps and bleeds as it grieves. And if allowed,  it envelops our whole being making us emotional, irrational, unreasonable, cynical, negative and worst of all – destructive! 

But soft and vulnerable as it is, the human heart is also versatile and resilient! It is capable of expanding or contracting as our brain crosswires with it and our reason guides it. When the grieving is over, it can be imbued with a renewed strength and vigour, with fresh hopes and dreams.

Sometimes the decision to end a relationship is thrust upon you  by well-meaning family and friends who are able to take a step back or forward to see the futility of hanging on.  That love or infatuation is blind is no mean truism especially when you are young and gullible. Your elders and those who makan garam dulu ( tasted salt before you) are able to see beyond the pretty face or the smooth talker. Experience and exposure makes one more aware of personality and character, ambition and endeavour – elements often camouflaged by the  multitude of facades that humans are capable of  wearing! It is again no mean truism that books and their covers are not always in harmony!

When you part early in a relationship it is no big deal for the heart to bounce back to reality! It is sad but you move on with the memories to play back if they are good ones. But the grief is greatest when you have endured a long relationship with a string of attachments, the most important being the children you share. Again and again those pairs of eyes looking  at you stop you from making the rash, selfish decisions. You think of them and their well-being and their future and the God-ordained bonds you bear for bringing them into this world. Divorce is not easy unless you feel totally betrayed!

The heart again comes into play at moments of great decision making – perhaps not in the boardroom but definitely in the bedroom! Tak sampai hati (don’t have the heart to) envelops your being when it comes to the crunch! As weak and as repulsive as your longstanding partners/ spouses are, you must have been as weak and as repulsive to them all these years! As strong and as dedicated as they are , you must have been as strong and as dedicated to have endured the trials and tribulations of the life together. 

Of course there are marriages which were never meant to be from the start or midway through! There are people who are basically incompatible despite the romance of courtship which blurs many things. They persevere despite the warning signs. And when it happens they blame!

In spite of the greater powers of the human brain hearts still get broken! Because let’s face it – if you don’t have the heart to, others do!


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December 2009
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