09
Mar
16

PERSONAL VENDETTA?

Published in NST & The Sun
Monday, 7 March 2016

Events in my personal life as well as those unfolding daily in the country have made me realize how bare the threads of diversity, multiculturalism and inclusiveness are in the fabric of the nation.

Despite pledges made by political leaders to uphold national unity and interethnic integration, the reality is that when it comes to the crunch, Malaysians disperse into their socio-cultural, economic and political silos – silos which run parallel to one another but never meet to boast of a unified national philosophy as embodied in the Rukun Negara.

Malaysians lead disparately separate lives, coexisting and avoiding conflict as best we can, for should open confrontations occur they may be well be bloody ones, considering heightened emotions over critical issues such as the political scandals and financial misappropriations. We therefore hedge our words and release ambivalent statements as guarded politicians expertly do, or indulge in racial slurs and bigotry as the anointed ones confidently get away with.

But still, most of us put on that fake smile, or place our palm against our heart or hug one another to express solidarity. We try so hard to be civil and coexist for the practical reason of getting along, eking a living for some and making pots of money for others.

Realistically, I believe that coexistence should be brandished and embellished as a national philosophy, not the ethereal idea of unity.

But do I support the current line-up of distinguished Malaysians standing side by side for the cause of political inclusiveness? And do I applaud their move to form a united citizen front in pursuit of a common cause, that of petitioning for the removal of a democratically elected Prime Minister? Do I believe in their promise to do the right thing for the sake of our beloved country?

Well, to be fashionably ambivalent and evasive my answer is Yes and No.

In the course of leading a multicultural citizen movement, the Association of Voices of Peace, Conscience and Reason (PCORE) for the last five years, and managing the diversity of beliefs, views and opinions of the association’s EXCO and members, I realise more and more that hard work is key but sincerity and honesty are vital to running an organisation.

Truth will surface at some point and God help me if I have been lying. Admitting one has erred may be a hard pill for one’s pride to swallow but it is the only way. Covering up one’s track of lies and fibs is counter productive as one will be ensnared in and by the vicious cycle of untruths. In the end, no one escapes the fairness of God’s law and providence.

While I see the current move to set up a multiethnic political front as the precursor to the establishment of a truly multiethnic political party and a unity government, I would implore the motley group of political veterans and activists to get their intention or nawaitu right. Please be sincere and get rid of your personal vendetta. Looking at the line-up and the pledge of support from absent ones, it is quite obvious quite a few have axes to grind.

I would say “Yes” to genuine respect and understanding among Malaysians of different religious and socio-cultural backgrounds but “No” to any one individual, group or community attempting to dominate – not UMNO, not DAP; not the Malays, not the Chinese. By virtue of their role, leaders may be dominant but only to the exten that they represent the voices of real consensus, not contrived ones.

Most of all I would urge these political movers and shakers to search their own conscience before pointing a finger at others; search your own soul before becoming holier than thou and accusing others of committing the very “crimes” you yourself committed not so long ago.

Speak your mind with reason and logic and stop employing spin doctors and members of hidden forces to do your work for you – and that at exorbitant rates. Only then will Malaysia and its people receive the blessings of the Almighty. Only then will we be at peace.

09
Mar
16

RITES OF PASSAGE

LESSONS MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME

RITES OF PASSAGE
By Halimah Mohd Said

Birthdays are certainly rites of passage which mark one’s entry into the next year of one’s life. The first birthday I celebrated was my twenty first way back in 1967 when I was a second year University of Malaya undergraduate. The “party” I had at home was not with my family but with my varsity girl friends – Doreen, Phaik Kim, Soon Hock, Foong Kwan, Anucia – who drove down to No 4 Lake Road.

My parents did not consider birthdays an important rite of passage and did not see the need to formally acknowledge their children’s turning 21 years of age which, in many societies, marks the transition into full adulthood. Growing up In Seremban, the passage of time from one birthday to the next moved without a fuss: sans cake and candles to blow; sans sweets, savouries and fizzy drinks to gorge; sans balloons and streamers and all other trimmings to make the birthday party a blast; and without the beautifully-wrapped gifts to open with great anticipation. In our family luxuries were scarce as necessities were prioritised. My parents taught us to be frugal.

NEW SCHOOL YEAR

Instead, the transition from one school year to the next was deemed an important event in the family calendar, creating much stir among the siblings as we acquired new things: a new school uniform to replace the old one we had outgrown; a pair of new, stark white BATA shoes as last year’s discoloured ones were discarded; a new, bigger school bag for the thicker text, lab and exercise books. The first day of each school year was eagerly awaited for the ritual of going into the new classroom, meeting the new class teacher and interacting with our new classmates.

One year older means one class higher – the vital passage of time which marks our school-going years.

For me, the transition from nine years at the all-girls Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus to two years of sixth form at the co-ed King George the Fifth (KGV) in 1963 was especially exciting as it marked an important milestone in my educational and emotional development. I felt I had grown up. From the protective environment of a Convent education managed and taught by strict nuns and female lay teachers (except for Mr Siew, the Chemistry teacher), I was thrust into a school filled with an almost even mix of the two sexes both among students and teachers. This was indeed a significant rite of passage!
PRINCIPLES AND VALUES

The principles and values I picked up from my mentors – Miss Vanar, Miss Goh, Sister Ann, Sister Veronica, Mr Ung, Mr Andrews – have left an indelible mark on my character. They were the best role models and embodied the highest ideals of mentorship – committed, compassionate, concerned.

Learning is a pleasure when imparted by people who really care for you.

My father’s contributions to my two alma mater helped to hone in some great values in me and the young people he was blessed to serve. Being a doctor, he gave generously of his time and knowledge to provide free medical treatment to the Convent orphans, some of whom were sick and disabled having been abandoned by their parents. Every weekend Dr Said would visit the Convent sisters and their charges. With stethoscope and medicines in hand, he would examine the orphan girls and dispense the cough mixture and paracetamol. Those with more serious ailments were referred to the Seremban general hospital where he was a government doctor. His service to KGV was in the form of a series of evening lectures on genetics and inherited diseases, organised by the school biology club and opened to both students and teachers. Having taken numerous slides of patients with yaws, elephantiasis and deformities he would show them to the roomful of enthused audience. Thus the eager young minds were introduced to and inspired by the world of medicine.

The most outstanding set of values I learned from my father, teachers and mentors that best marks life’s rites of passage are immortalised in Rudyard Kipling’s poem IF:

PREGNANCY AND BIRTH

From my mother I also learned that in order to avoid the cruel hand of fate and the curse of disease and deformity, the traditional Malays observe certain cultural rites of passage which stem more from adat (customs) than the religion of Islam. These include the rites and rituals which mark the changes in a person’s life from one stage to the next. Later, I was intrigued to discover that many of the superstitions and beliefs upheld by primitive Malay and other communities are premised on scientific knowledge which, unknown to them, find their way into the life of the communites influencing their customs and practices.

As a young wife pregnant with child for the first time, I was told repeatedly by my mother never to tease or mock a person with a deformity lest the foetus I was carrying became inflicted with one. I was told by my mother in law to look only at photographs of beautiful people so that my child would grow to be a good-looking person. More importantly, my husband was told that my mengidam or pregnancy cravings in the first trimester had to be fulfilled lest I became kempunan (to be in a quandary, nervous, desperate because of an unfulfilled yearning) and an untoward incident befell me. And so, not wanting to disappoint my mother, I dutifully yearned for some of the most exotic dishes in her recipe collection – masak lemak cili padi, pencuk daging salai, dodol telur – sourced from her kampung Nyalas, my father’s kampung Linggi and the state of Pahang where they lived for eleven years. And so in my pregnancy I became a popular spokesperson representing the food cravings of other members of the family.

In the seventh month of my pregnancy, a ceremony called lenggang perut was held where prayers were chanted and a special doa’ selamat was read to ask for Allah’s mercy in granting me and the baby a safe delivery. Mak Minah Bidan, the midwife, performed the ritual of rubbing a paste made from herbs, lime and holy water all over my well-endowed stomach in front of a gathering of ladies. Prayers have a way of instilling hope and confidence in us mere mortals that the Almighty will heed our wishes and grant us a safe passage.

The birth of a baby is a significant rite of passage for the mother who has been carrying the fetus for nine months and undergoes a painful and traumatic delivery. Thus, she has to be given special food and care during the “confinement” period of thirty or forty days when she is literally confined to the home. Here she is given only healing foods foregoing the “cooling” foods such as watery fruits and vegetables.

Having a doctor father and midwife mother who were both western-trained, my confinement period was not too restricting and I was allowed to enjoy the daily serving of spinach, liver and chicken soup which in some conservative households were pantang or taboo foods. In the Malay kampung of old, women who had just delivered a baby were fed a daily diet of rice and salted fish and could drink only small amounts of warm water. Besides the dietary requirements, other healing procedures were observed such as body massage or urut to calm tense muscles. Traditional herbs and concoctions such as fresh turmeric, jamu and ma’jun were consumed to help restore the functions of the female reproductive organs.

Such is the respect for a mother in Islam, for heaven lies under the soles of her feet.

BLESSED AND BLESSINGS

For the newborn baby the first rite of passage takes place at about three months when the baby is blessed by family and friends. The simple ceremony is traditionally called jejak tanah (to step on the ground) but has evolved into an upbeat socio-cultural cum religious event called berandam surai (grooming). The ritual sees the introduction of the young infant to his community to invite their blessings and that of Allah.

For each of my twelve grandchildren, a majlis aqiqah was held where two goats were slaughtered for a grandson and one goat for a granddaughter and the meat cooked and served to guests. This religious sacrifice is to ensure one is assisted and protected by a beast of burden in facing the trials and tribulations in the next world. During the ceremony, besides the prayers and doa’, the infant is given a taste of dates and honey, the two foods considered most sustaining among Muslims.

In Sya Allah and God willing these social, cultural, religious rites of passage observed by parents and the values and principles they embody will endow their children and grandchildren with the blessings and confidence to manage their lives with ease in this world and for all eternity. Amen!

09
Mar
16

LEFT AND RIGHT

LESSONS MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME

Left And Right
By Halimah Mohd Said

Like nature’s temporal distinction between “day and night”, the human body is classified into the binary divide of “left and right” from the head right down to the toes. If we measure the two sides of our bodies such as our arms and legs we realise that they are not quite equal in length or size. Our facial features – eyes, nose, mouth, ears – are not exactly symmetrical. Somehow, nature has made one side – usually the right – a little bit larger or stronger than the left. Our major internal organs – brain, heart, lungs, kidneys – have right and left parts each with different but complementary functions.

The view of life and the diverse phenomena surrounding it as existing in a scheme of opposities is prevalent in many civilisations and cultures. Hinduism, for instance, holds the belief that the cosmos comprises two opposite halves – the passive and active; the gross and the subtle; the right and the left – which complement each other to form a unified whole, This distinction between the right and the left is strictly adhered to in Indian culture where the right is considered pure and sacred and used for ceremonial rituals as well as daily activities like eating, receiving and offering. The circular cosmic scheme of opposites which create a whole exist in the Chinese philosophy of yin and yang where night turns into day and day turns back into night. Yin – the female energy of the human psyche – guides intuitive and creative thinking, while yang – the male energy – controls inductive and deductive thinking. This corresponds to modern scientific knowledge of the functions of the left and right hemisphere of the human brain. In Christianity the right hand of God is the favoured hand in images of Jesus sitting at God’s right side and John, the loyal disciple, sitting on his right in The Last Supper..

Across the world’s population, there is a strong bias towards right-handedness. Nine out of ten or roughly 90 percent of people, use their right hand for writing, eating, handing out or picking up things and doing other daily activities. It is a fact that many common tools such as knives and scissors are designed solely for use by right-handed people, Left-handedness is therefore thought to be a problem and children showing this tendency are corrected from an early age. Throughout history this right-handed bias has created a host of socio-cultural habits and beliefs which pervade our daily lives and govern our lifestyle choices. Just as day brings sunlight and good cheer and night brings darkness and fear, the right side of things creates a more positive response than the left.

From the time he was born, my only brother Yusof was quicker with his left hand than his right. My mother, who was influenced by the taboos and superstitions in her Malay kampung upbringing, tried very hard to correct what she thought was a disability in her only son. She told us how each time baby Yusof reached out with his left hand, she would give it a tap, put it down and pull out his right hand. When he was bigger and could eat with his fingers as the Malays do, he was instructed at each meal to use the fingers in his right hand. This he learned to do after being sternly warned that it was haram or forbidden in Islam to use the left hand for eating.

Educated in the sciences, my father did not see anything abnormal in being left-handed and allowed his son the freedom to develop his motor skills unimpeded. Thus, in school Yusof was confidently left-handed for classroom work and sporting activities. As my father rightly predicted, he would do very well academically earning top marks in his favourite subject biology, where he dissected plant and animal specimens with his left hand. In sports, he overcame his initial awkwardness and became a good badminton and tennis player. A further blessing was that of all the seven siblings Yusof had the most beautiful cursive handwriting and produced the finest pencil sketches of birds and animals. Later on in his career as a plastic surgeon, his left-handedness was never a barrier to his performing the most delicate harelip operations, an area in which he specialised.

As Muslims parents, my father and mother made sure their seven children were raised in a household where Islamic teachings and beliefs, rituals and practices were routinely observed. Besides the rules and principles laid out in the Quran, Muslims faithfully abide by the code of conduct and behaviour documented in the traditions of Prophet Muhammad SAW known as the Hadith. These include the etiquette for cleaning and cleansing; eating and drinking; greeting and praying; and a host of other daily activities, as Islam is considered a way of life.

Through the religious teachers – ustaz (male) and ustazah (female) – who taught us to read the Quran from the time we were five, my parents initiated us into performing our daily prayers or solat, Before reading the Quran or performing the solat, we were taken through the Muslim ritual of cleansing called wudu’ or ablution. This involves the use of running water to clean the face, hands and legs starting with the right side while chanting the prescribed doa or holy verse. Thus, we were carefully instructed in the use of the index finger of the right hand when pointing to the Quran during recitation, washing the head, neck then the right shoulder and hand first before the left and so on.

In Malay-Muslim culture, be it the hand, the leg or any other part of the body, the right hand side is always given a higher status, preference or position in terms of positivity. In the daily ritual of eating, we children were often reminded of the Prophet’s injunction “If one of you eats, he should eat with his right hand. And if he drinks something, he should drink with his right hand. For indeed, Satan eats and drinks with his left hand.” And so it was that in the preparation of food and drink and in serving them to our guests, the right hand was always used. We were told to receive offers of food and drink or gifts with our right hand and never with our left. In showing people the way or to their seats, we were instructed to use our right thumb not the index finger which is considered impolite.

The right leg is also accorded a higher status in daily practices such as stepping out of the house, entering a mosque or getting into a car. I remember my mother reminding me to use my right leg every time I stepped out of the house to go to school or back to university after the long vacation. Apparently some enthusiastic religious teachers tell the children they teach to enter the toilet using their right leg in order to distinguish themselves from the evil beings who use their left limbs. It is only in the ritual of cleaning our bodies after toilet use that we are told to use the left hand, and in this case, the use of the right hand is strictly forbidden.

And as a mother, this is what I have passed down to my three children and as a grandmother, to my twelve grandchildren. I hope and pray they will also share these Muslim beliefs about right and left, about right and wrong with their own families. This is all the more important as we see families divided and growing apart because they do not share common values and interests or speak a common “language”. The intergenerational gaps are growing wider by the day as the advancement of knowledge and the spread of information in all fields is too fast and furious for us, the family elders, to catch up.

We have only to look at our own families to realise how far behind we are in the use of technology compared with our children and grandchildren. I am amazed at how advanced my grandchildren are in the use of their IPhone and IPad which they deftly operate with the fingers on both the right and left hand. They are ambidextrous in the use of modern gadgets and therefore do things much faster, sometimes at lightening speed.

My daughter’s thirteen year old daughter, Zara, is especially clever in using her IPhone functions and restored my WhatsApp twice after it was accidentally deleted. Last week over dinner, Zara clicked a candid photo of me and in seconds produced her photoshopped interpretation of what she thinks her Nini really is – a silly old ninny or better still, an eccentric witch. (picture).

Yes – we should learn from the younger generation to be as cool and clever as they are or as right and left as modern technology allows us to be!

03
Feb
16

GOOD AND BAD TIMES

LESSONS MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME

Good Times And Bad Times

Parents are our greatest teachers. From the time we are born our parents are by our side to help us take the first baby steps to ensure we grow and develop well. They are there to guide us in our everyday activities and in making important decisions later in life. The lessons learned from our mothers and fathers are invaluable and shape the adults we become. We inherit not only their genes in determining physical characteristics and features but more enduringly, the family values, culture and traditions they inculcate in us.

Unlike teachers who teach us formally in the classroom through books and other teaching materials, parents nurture us informally through advice, persuasion and example. They pass down the teachings from their own upbringing and life’s experiences. Caring parents and a secure home environment go a long way in developing the full potential of children.

Childhood Memories

As a little girl, I remember following my mother around the house as she cooked and cleaned and found little ways of making our family life more comfortable. Being with her was precious bonding time and I kept busy in the kitchen helping to pound sambal in a lesung batu or to scrape coconut on the old kukur. It was here that I picked up the Malay housewife’s petua or household tips to perfect a recipe and make food taste more delicious – one of which is cooking with firewood or sabut (coconut husk).

Indeed, my mother’s cooking was done over open fire fed with firewood from the rubber estate behind the doctor’s quarters where we lived. I remember how happy we were collecting twigs and branches and helping to saw fallen trees after a storm. The rainy season brought the family good tidings as plenty of edible herbs and mushrooms growing in the clearing were picked and a month’s supply of firewood was cut, dried and stored in the shed behind the kitchen. Thus, in her own resourceful way, my mother contributed a great deal to the smooth-running of our home.

During the weekends, my doctor father was no less enthusiastic about putting food on the table for his seven hungry children and several relatives who stayed with us. The fruit season was an inviting time to drive twenty miles to Kampung Linggi to visit his 80 year old mother and to partake of the wonderful fruits – rambutan, manggis, langsat, durian – from the trees that grew abundantly in the grounds of the Bugis ancestral home. My grandmother, whom my siblings and I called “Tok”, would potter around the kitchen blowing into the embers and cooking my father’s favourite dishes despite being bent double with osteoporosis. Always, hanging above the kitchen fire, there would be rows of lempuk wrapped in pinang bark and left to smoke and mature until her brood descended upon her to devour them. The Malay delicacy made from durian, flour and sugar would then be sliced and served on a bed of freshly grated coconut. My father and brother would return in the early afternoon with their spoils of wild fowl and forest pheasants after a little hunting with their air rifles. They would also have picked up udang galah and  pucuk paku from a relative’s stall nearby. Heading back to Seremban after a late lunch cum tea, we would be gluttonously full and the car would be groaning with food to last the family a few wonderful meals. We were frugal then and eating out was a rarity.

A Time And A Place For Everything

Every culture has its own concept of time influenced not only by the physical environment in which the people live but also by their activities and occupations. People who live in a temperate climate and experience the four distinct seasons – Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter – organise their lives around them. Summer would be a good time for outdoor sports and activities, while during the cold, winter months bad weather would keep them indoors for more sedentary occupations. The clothes they wear would be very much determined by changes in the weather and climate. In tropical countries where the sun is ablaze throughout the year and temperatures do not vary much, people dress in lighter clothes for day and night. They can indulge in the same outdoor activities throughout the year.

By their very nature, day and night forebode contrasting things especially among primitive societies in remote areas with no access to modern amenities such as electricity which urbanites take for granted. Thus, in some cultures it is believed that night and darkness invite ghosts and spirits that lurk in the shadows waiting to pounce on their human victims. Daytime and bright sunlight would somehow make these fears and superstitions go away.

The family I grew up in was traditional and modern at the same time. Having been mentored by dedicated English teachers, my father was a great believer in a sound English education with the virtues of etiquette and manners thrown into the curriculum, while my mother never ceased to remind us of our roots and the Malay sopan santun, budi bahasa and adab which gave the people their soul. “Without our customs and traditions, who are we?” she would rhetorically ask, But she also understood very well the democratic values of freedom and equality, the very principles that the religion of Islam espouses.

And so we children were allowed to play our outdoor games – guli, gasing, kunda-kandi – with friends of both sexes until sunset, when. she would herd us in to wash up. We would be reminded to be quiet for fear of disturbing the spirits that would now roam the area. A visible and audible sign would be the chirping of a formation of tiny birds which my mother warned were the spirits taking their place in the high heavens till daylight. Dusk would also be the time to prepare ourselves for the maghrib prayers after doing the ablution or cleansing ritual. Once cleaned, cleansed and in supplication to receive blessings from the Almighty we would settle down to have the evening meal and observe some quiet time, reading or doing our homework around the dining table.

Roots of Malay Culture

Indigenous Malay society had its roots in the kampung or village where the main occupation was rice farming on the land and fishing in the river and sea (pic). The traditional Malay concept of time was very much determined by the daily prayers and rituals of Islam and the seasonal cycle of rice farming. There was preparation of the land and allowing it to fallow, followed by planting of the padi seeds and waiting for them to grow to maturity and finally, the harvesting of the ripened grain. An essential component of farming was a sympathetic climate which balanced the wet season of monsoon rains and a short dry season. Accordingly, Allah’s blessings were sought through prayer and doa’. Feasts and celebrations such as weddings and thanksgiving were planned around the good times. When an unusually wet monsoon over-flooded the rice fields or a long season of drought resulted in a poor harvest, celebrations would be postponed until times changed for the better.

I remember accompanying my mother on seemingly endless trips to the remote village of Nyalas in Melaka to see for ourselves the damage caused to the rice fields by the merciless torrential rain or scorching sun. Then the harvest would be poor and the rice grains, inferior. However, the kampung folk were never short of rice as they would have saved some for a rainy day in a huge tempayan. On visits to see my mother’s father, Tok Manan the village penghulu, we would always have the season’s rice with chicken, vegetables and herbs from his own backyard.

Coming from remote villages in Negeri Sembilan and Melaka, my father and mother brought many of the values and practices they grew up with into their marital home. Raised to be disciplined and frugal by his widowed mother assisted by caring uncles who were learned in the Sufi tradition of Islam, my father imbibed these values in his life. My mother’s Minangkabau values instilled by a doting father made her a strong woman who raised her six daughters to be self-reliant and confident members of the weaker sex.

It is amazing how these same family values are transmitted from generation to generation to sustain us in handling the vicissitude of challenges in our lives. It is wonderful how they are ingeniously adapted to modern living to become contemporary and relevant. The lessons learned from our mothers and fathers will be recycled to emerge as values that we ourselves instill in our children and grandchildren.

03
Feb
16

RETURN

12402024_10155638459399619_2806835048425161144_o (1)Salam everyone! My deepest apologies for disappearing from Nini Talk since my last posting almost two years ago – most irresponsible of me I know!

But I had a genuine reason for not updating my blog. I suffered from chronic insomnia for more than a year and had neither the ability to focus nor the inclination to write much except short comments on Facebook. Alhamdulillah my sleep patterns are back to normal and I feel much better and in control.

So, here I am! Back with a new vigour if not vengeance! So much has happened I can’t help but think and write!

Nini

 

 

01
Apr
14

NATIONAL SUPPORT

malaysia-mh370-artwork-1UNITED IN THE FACE OF NATIONAL DISTRESS

Published in The Sun on 31 March 2014

A national disaster which forebodes the loss of numerous lives has a way of bringing people together to share their utter sense of despair and helplessness.

It is a time when differences are put aside to offer sympathy and empathy to those whose family members and friends are victims. It is a time when communities rally together to offer their support, kind thoughts and prayers.

It is at such trying times that a nation’s people are united in their efforts to make sense of the tragedy that has befallen them.

The mystery of the missing MH370 and the likelihood that the crew and passengers have met a tragic end has sent shock waves across Malaysia and among Malaysians. Its disappearance on March 8 with 239 people on board has united Malaysians and the world in seeking credible answers and explanations from the authorities tasked with coordinating investigations into the lost plane.

No doubt at the beginning, due to the lack of specific information and the complexity of the task at hand, there were inconsistencies and contradictions in the official releases.

As leads picked up by certain countries such as the Chinese sighting of debris were followed, some proved to be wrong or inconclusive, which required the search and rescue teams to abandon or change their area of investigation.

It did not help that foreign media networks were laying out wild speculations and theories provided by the well-spoken experts they lined up. This only served to diminish the efforts of the Malaysian authorities who were seen to be much slower, less informed and articulate in managing the crisis.

However, to accuse them of being inept when there was so little to go by in the early stages is unfair and unhelpful. As the country leading the investigation into a multinational disaster involving nationals from 15 countries, Malaysia has shown itself to be more than effective in mobilising the support and resources of 26 nations including its regional partners, the US, UK, China, Australia, Japan and France.

Having little sophisticated search and rescue technology of its own to investigate an air disaster of such mystery and magnitude, Malaysia has used its excellent diplomacy and good regional and international relations to bring together an unprecedented team of investigators manning different aspects of the search and rescue operations.

To coordinate these efforts and corroborate the information coming from different lines of investigation is no mean feat. To present it to the grieving families, the concerned public and the critical media in a coherent form is indeed a formidable task and responsibility.

To face the barrage of questions daily requires the spokespersons to display not only expert knowledge and articulation of the technicalities involved but also the greatest personal fortitude and resilience.

In this we must acknowledge that with more information being released by the international search and rescue parties and with satellite sightings of debris narrowing down to a smaller area of the southern Indian Ocean, there is growing confidence that the evidence required to arrive at conclusive findings about the disappearance of MH370 will surface soon.

Malaysians must stand behind the three spokespersons tasked with facing the world daily to bring the latest developments in the MH370 search and rescue efforts. We have seen them growing by the day, both in their management of information and its articulation.

The acting minister of transport, director of the Department of Civil Aviation and chief executive officer of Malaysian Airlines deserve our support and appreciation as they unravel the facts and evidence surrounding the investigations.

In the press conferences, we see their growing confidence and steadfastness in taking questions from the roomful of local and international journalists. We must give them credit for doing their work to the best of their ability and for exercising great diplomacy in representing their international partners.

Even in the handling of the unreasonable reaction and demands of the relatives in Beijing, they have shown much compassion.

While some of us are quick to criticise the aggressive and uncouth behaviour displayed by some of the relatives, Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein has reminded us to be understanding of their grief while reminding them that the families from other nations are also in mourning but have not reacted with the same irrationality.

We hope that the numerous pieces of debris sighted will be fished out quickly so that they can be analysed to provide conclusive evidence whether or not they are part of the MH370 wreckage.

If indeed they are, we pray that the black box will be recovered soon. We stand by the grieving families in mourning their loss and understand how important it is for them to have closure. Malaysians are united behind their beloved country at this time of great national distress .

 

25
Mar
14

BOSSY WOMEN

ban-bossy 

IS “BOSSY” A BAD WORD?
Published in The Sun on 16 March 2014

THE word “bossy” may soon be considered inappropriate to describe women in the workplace, especially those in positions of power and authority where they have to take charge and speak their minds. In fact, the word may soon join other words such as “bitchy” and “aggressive” which are considered sexist and discriminatory when referring to the personality traits of a female co-worker.

Facebook chief operating officer, Sheryl Sandberg, has started a campaign called “Ban Bossy” to discourage and eventually disallow the use of the word “bossy” for women and girls. The belief is that among other forms of gender discrimination and stereotyping, the use of the word “bossy” creates problem of unequal childhood treatment of girls and boys. At home and in school, girls who are extroverted and show leadership tendencies are often described as “bossy” and “overly ambitious” while boys who lead are described as “strong” and “determined”. Like other forms of social stereotyping, this is carried over to the workplace where women who have strong personalities and take charge are negatively perceived as bossy while their male counterparts are seen to be naturally assertive.

Sandberg’s argument is that the description of “bossy” is more likely to be directed at girls and women with a range of associated traits such as “domineering”, “authoritative”, “overbearing”, “tough”, “opinionated” and “high-handed”.

When men show these same tendencies they are said to be demonstrating positive traits of leadership. Sandberg’s point is that as more and more women enter the workforce and assume positions of power, it is important to insist on equal treatment and evaluation, including the description of their leadership qualities.

Should women be offended if they are called bossy at work? Is “bossy” a discriminatory term used to put down a woman’s personality or work style? In fact, is being bossy considered a negative trait in the workplace?

To answer the last question first, the word “bossy” has certainly acquired more negative than positive connotations when used to describe one’s office colleagues. However, it is not unusual for a man to be negatively perceived as bossy or overbearing. Whether male or female, bossy managers are not liked by their subordinates and co-workers. In today’s more democratic work environment, managers and leaders who are overbearing or domineering are not likely to get the cooperation and support of their work teams.

Office evaluation will mark these as negative traits.

It is for this reason that women (and men) should feel offended and discriminated against if they are called “bossy”. The word has become prejudicial and is unhelpful in providing a fair assessment of one’s colleagues. Instead, the focus should be on how to highlight the positive and indispensable nature of “bossiness”, turning it from a word that foregrounds the domineering and overbearing characteristics to one used to describe the positive qualities of leadership.

In the workplace, being motivated and motivating are essential qualities to get the cogs of the office wheel moving, and being assertive and opinionated is necessary to encourage optimal contributions from its human resource.

The important thing is how, at each level in the office hierarchy, workers can be motivated and motivating, assertive and opinionated without appearing bossy and controlling. Therein lies the secret of true leadership which should see the combination of authority and power, intuitions and insights with outstanding management and communication skills.

As more and more women assume leadership positions and are accepted as equal partners in the workplace, the tendency to assess them in a negative or discriminatory manner will rightfully be replaced by objective criteria which contribute positively to the growth and development of the organisation. Women at work must stand shoulder to shoulder with their male colleagues in developing positive traits including being confident, assertive and speaking their minds. They should channel their energies into productive methods of leadership and dismiss the prejudices and perceptions that they are bossy.

The lesson to children and to the parents and teachers who raise and nurture them, should be that being opinionated, motivated and motivating, that is showing traits of leadership is to be encouraged. When properly channelled, these characteristics will empower them as they enter the workforce and contribute to society.

In this day and age where children’s upbringing is more equal and less discriminatory at home, where they are exposed to the same universal education, skills and training, and where work opportunities are getting more equal, girls should be encouraged to develop their self-esteem and strengths. They must understand that to advance their careers they have to empower themselves to be outspoken, opinionated and tough when necessary. Women must be as assertive as men in the workplace and should not be discriminated against if they are. It is indeed time to remove the word “bossy” from the office register.




August 2016
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